Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
