The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
