my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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