Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
