I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
