cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
