Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
