i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
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