You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
