god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
