They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
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Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
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So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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