Define "chronic" masturbator.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
