Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
