she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
