I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
only you would photoshop your dick
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
