i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
