brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
