You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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