I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
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