I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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