So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
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