dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
How does it feel to date your dad?
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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