Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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