Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
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The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
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I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
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