He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
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