I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize