I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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