fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
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