Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
