Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
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