Betty ford says i'm here all night
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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