I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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