i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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