I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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