Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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