You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
she pinky promised me she was 18
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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