is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
the raccoons are back...
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