Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
