I bet he comes in French.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Randomize
