He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
