She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
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