Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Found the puke drawer
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
