Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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