You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
