my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
