well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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