In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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