It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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