Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
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