Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
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I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
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I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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