I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
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