I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
