id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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