she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
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