Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
