We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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