Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
