i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
