question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I fill condoms, not promises.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
