Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
