just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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