it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
