And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Randomize
